My Life – High Anxiety Is Inevitable

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I live a busy life. I’ve lost friends and close family members because I can’t make the commitment to be there for them. And I’m the independent type who doesn’t need anyone to rely on. 

People don’t get me. They think I’m either the strongest person ever or fucking crazy. 

I’ll take crazy for $100, Alex. 

I write. A lot. I’m constantly thinking up new ideas for novels or blurbs for my website. So my brain never shuts off. I’m a committed jogger, yoga enthusiast, writer, meditation lover, and peace seeker. I’m a hippie at heart in the body of a wannabe athlete. I’m either living life in fast-forward or I’m completely still. There’s no happy medium for me. 

As well, I run a family of three, and we are all very active.

My son, who is nine, does not sit still. Hockey is over for another season, but now he’s in basketball (1 day a week), baseball (2 days a week – unless he gets accepted onto the tiered team, then it will be 5 days a week), and golf (1 day a week). Plus there are school activities (many of which I volunteer for), time with friends after school, and weekends spent with family. It still surprises me that we have time to disagree over screen time. With everything else going on, I don’t understand how he has screen time at all. 

MM works in the oil field. Not literally, he’s part of a management team for a big name company. That alone keeps our family very busy. And I spend a lot of time as a single mom. MM also plays hockey in winter and racquetball/tennis in summer. And that’s when he isn’t taking the kids on some random outing to the park, skatepark, lake, or rinks. 

We also have a cat who has special dietary needs and has to be fed every 3-4 hours. So while I’m running to and from sports and school activities, I have to make quick pit stops at home to take care of kitty. We found out the hard way that he isn’t the type of cat who you can feed once a day and be done with it. And he can never be left at home alone for long periods of time. Which is probably why we haven’t planned to take a summer vacation this year. 

As well, I had to let go of my cleaning lady to pay for the bathroom renovations that took almost a year. Yes, months and months later and I still haven’t got one fully functioning bathroom. It’s been quite an adventure. But it had to be done because we found mold behind the bathroom walls that was making us sick. It was not a choice – it was a necessity. So I do all the cooking and cleaning on my own now because I’m usually the one who is at home Monday to Friday. 

And then there are the birthday parties, dentist appointments, doctor appointments, holidays, and other miscellaneous days throughout each month that never seem to end. 

I arm myself with lots of coffee and high levels of anxiety. 

Time is the only thing that I don’t have much of. 

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