It’s A Matter Of Respect


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Oh, how I hate weddings.

They bring out the worst in people. Everyone has an opinion. And nothing ever goes as planned. Everyone has this romanticized idea of how their wedding should be. I’ve been married twice and, believe me, nothing is ever perfect on that day or any other day that follows the wedding.

I was invited to a recent wedding and I always like to make an appearance even if I don’t plan to stay for the entire day/night. It’s my way of respecting others and showing support while staying within my comfort zone. I’m not a party girl anymore, and I barely drink. It’s useless for me to stay and ruin everyone else’s fun as the only sober person at the celebration, so I usually leave early after all the important stuff has been done.

I had planned to take my son with me as an excuse to leave early (as I always do). But the bride and groom didn’t specify that kids were not allowed at the wedding. Now, on the surface, it may seem that I’m against the idea of not inviting kids to weddings. But it’s not that simple.

First, even after I had RSVP’ed last month, I wasn’t told that kids weren’t invited. In my RSVP, I had explained that my son and I were very excited to share their day, yet nothing was said to me then that kids weren’t allowed to attend. I personally don’t care either way, if kids are invited or not, but don’t expect me to show up with 3 days notice to find a babysitter. No, I didn’t go.

Second, I made the mistake once of going to a wedding without my son only to find that other kids were there. I left my sick son with my parents for a week (because it was an out of province wedding) and I was livid to find other kids at the wedding. I vowed to never make that mistake again and to turn down any invitation that didn’t include my own kid. After all these years, I expect people to know that I come as a packaged deal. If they can’t respect that, they shouldn’t expect me to show up.

Lastly, I respect people. And I respect that some don’t want kids at their weddings. I have no problem with that. I will not bring my kid with me somewhere if he is not welcomed. But I find it hypocritical when the same people who invite me (and not my kid) get angry at me for not showing up. How’s that for respect?!

I didn’t have a kid so I could leave him at home all the time. My son is in my life so that I can share life’s experiences with him. And I will not leave him at home to go party with friends. I gave up that life when I had him and I have no desire to go back to my single party life. I’ve moved on and my life has changed. If others can’t respect that, fuck ’em.
*UPDATE: something good does, indeed, come from every bad situation. I used the money that we were going to give them as a wedding gift to purchase football tickets so my son will get to see his first live football game this summer! 


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