In a world where women are self-sufficient and we try to look our best, are men our new accessories?

We’ve all heard the expression “arm candy” but most of us have heard it in terms of men speaking about women. What if we turned the tables and put that expression to use in terms of men.

We use earrings to accentuate our upper bodies while we use shoes to accentuate our lower bodies. Do we use men to accentuate our lives?

I have always dated men with the potential for our relationship to become long-term. I have always looked beyond the exterior to value what’s inside. Obviously, most of the time it didn’t work out, but my hopes were always there because I dated some very good men. 

Once, it worked out. Kind of. 

I married a man who looked perfect on paper. He came from a good background even though his family hated me. He was a hard-worker even though he worked at jobs that were questionable to my morals. And he had a generally sunny disposition in spite of being completely self-obsessed. On the outside, this man was perfect for me. 

So I married him. And then I divorced him. 

The spark that was between us died – if ever there was a spark to begin with. We were fiercely compatible, but that didn’t necessarily mean that compatibility equaled love. Then life gave us the ultimate test – we spent time apart in different cities due to work for an extended period of time. And it ultimately ripped us apart. He went his way and I went mine. 

We should have been perfect for each other. But we really weren’t. 

In my time alone, I’ve learned that sometimes dressing things up isn’t real and pretty things sometimes mask underlying issues. That relying on and accepting your authentic self is more important than hiding it with accessories. 


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